I really don't know. And that is ok. I suppose to journey (for me) is more of the point than the destination. I will arrive where I end up. There is no question about that. But how I get there is paramount because that defines how I enjoy my destination.

I came from a small town, a broken home, a hard working and loving mother, a fun childhood home life, confusion about expectations, looking for love in the wrong people...

I had preeclampsia when I was pregnant with my son. One night I fell asleep on the couch with my husband and the next thing I saw was the paramedics coming toward me. My husband had my shoes and a coat in hand and was standing in front of the door. They ushered me into the ambulance. There I lost control of my body, could not respond to the paramedic in the ambulance with me. When I awoke again it was 2 days later. My son was in the NICU and my husband was sitting on a futon beside my bed. He was sleeping with me in the hospital room. I went to sit up and he put out his hand to stop me. I didn't know it, but I had had an emergency C-section because I had had 2 seizures before getting to the hospital (one at home and one in the ambulance).

When I look at my son and my husband I realise I nearly sacrificed my life for this family I now enjoy. They are precious to me as nothing ever has been before.

That is what I gave up when I had my son that night. I gave up who I was to become who I am.

Namaste,

Susanne

Funny this is today's question. I was just thinking that I have gotten away from being grateful. So here I go...

I am grateful for:

Jack
Dave
our apartment
my job
our cute little car
the scrapbook I am making
my mother
Dave's family
that we can afford some of life's pleasures

Everything in my life, the way I have chosen to live my life, an how I will effect the future of my life.


Namaste,

Susanne

I realise that the person I am is the result of choices from a miriad of possibilites. Based on my beliefs about the world I created a person who longs for, but cannot trust; disbelieves; has a negative underlying flow to all. I created such a miserable person who only attracted misery to justify a matyr mentality.

How sad to spend 30 years like this.


Namaste,

Susanne

My son, Jack, has an incredible sense of humour at the ripe old age of 8 months. He will crack himself up over anything. When I see him enjoying this body he has chosen or the life his father and I have created for him, I laugh.

Because Jack is 8 months old, he has a short attention span. One of the games we play is that I sneak up on him and give him a little fright. And his short attention span means I can do this multiple times in an hour because he doesn't remember the last time I scared him. His eyes get so wide and he lets out a little yelp. It is the cutest thing.

He is also into testing out his little voice. He does this as loud as he can. Sometimes, while in the grocery store, Jack will test out his voice. I love it and laugh with him. He loves the new noises he can make. It makes me happy to watch him grow and learn all the wonderful things in this world.

Namaste,

Susanne

I remember when I was a little girl, I would take my hair brush, close and lock my bedroom door, turn on a cassette tape and sing along. Instead of seeing my closet doors, I saw the screaming fans. I bowed to them, thanked them for liking my song. I even stayed for an encore a time or two.

I had this fantasy a lot when I was young. But now I realise that it was real on another level of existence. I was really singing to a screaming crowd of fans because that is what I created in my head as a possibility.

So, to respond to this question, I have been famous before. It is great. I recommend it to anyone.

Namaste,

Susanne

I was a BIG Tomboy!!! I never wore dresses or skirts, played in the dirt, climbed trees; even got along better with the boys in the nieghborhood than the girls.

I read a lot of books, hung out at the library on weekends. I read so much that I was averaging a book a day in the forth grade. I was reading on a college level in that same grade.

I was moody and full of sarcasm. I enjoyed life, but after the divorce of my parents, I became a bit cynical toward life. At 13 I went on a religious sojourn to find out what the Truth was so that I could have some direction in my life. I came upon Spiritualism and all of its good and bad on this journey. I dabbled in the Occult with Ouji boards and automatic writing.

I wrote short stories and poetry since the age of 8. I was taken by my 4th grade teacher to a Young Author's Convention in Miami where she told me to never stop writing. Thank you, Mrs. Schnieder!!! I haven't stopped writing, although I may have slowed down a bit.

In the end I can say I was a pensive and creative child because I am that kind of adult.

This is a horribly difficult question to answer.

I could say I am a ball of Energy.

I could say I am a being of Flesh.

I could say that I don't know.

(I am going to go with the later answer.)

:-)

Namaste,

Susanne

I enjoyed learning; and still do. I went to a highschool that was like 90210 (if you are old enough to remember that). I was not concerned with those thins, so actually being in school was not a good experience for me. But learning... ahhhh, now there was an addiction!!! I read a book a day, wrote short stories, watched tons of educational TV, etc...

I made me who I am today. And I still try to learn as much as possible.

Namaste,

S

I would most like to connect with my husband. Sometimes the two of us forget why we are with each other. Life is a good distraction, but one that is false. I wold like to have time to spend with him.

S

I believe that Believing makes Reality. Whether I contribute my Energy to making this Belief true is very important. And I do not put my Energy into such beliefs. Perhpas if we created the future instead of making Predictions that lock other Conscious Minds into a Cat-and-Mouse game than we might find the World becomes different; not so bent of Fatalism in all of its forms.

Let it be what you want it to be.

Namaste,

S

I suppose I don't anymore. Now that sounds Fatalistic, but it isn't. Life is my chance to create a Spiritual energy into a phyiscal thing. That is an amazing event and opportunity. I cannot say that I have a destiny, unless as part of my experience on this Plane I want to create that as part of my changing spirit to phyiscal. In that sense than I would say that I do believe in Destiny.

:-)

Namaste,

S